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| The FOUR |
As the weeks pass and they turn into months, and eventually, years, I am always struck at how I get by day by day. How do I do it? I think most often, I become a robot or even a zombie, and. yes, even a robot-zombie.
It takes the energy out of me. The giggling, hitting, shoving, screaming, crying, whining, barking just kills me. I feel that I have lost myself. My identity. If someone would have asked me 10 years ago who I was, I could tell you, but now, I really have no clue.
I want me back. But I want me back in a way that is compatible with the four, plus two. My therapist and I are working on uncovering the guilt that plagues my life and makes me anxious and so angry. I have figured out the cycle, and I am learning to stop it. But to be honest, some days I want to feel depressed. It feels comfortable to me. But, the urge to be happy is winning out, and I want to be there for my four, plus two!
I just need to add ME to that equation and I will be fine!
2 comments:
Tasha, I know I can't compare as I only have One plus two, but I have similar struggles! I too have lost myself, and I am working on finding myself again! We can't take care of our families if we don't take care of ourselves... and that means being selfish sometimes (AND NOT FEELING BAD ABOUT IT!). I went on a weekend trip to visit a friend in Davis, CA all by myself... I don't think I have ever done that. It felt SO GOOD!!!
Just to share... you are not alone here! Hang in there! You will find yourself again!!!
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