Chalk it up to GROSS!

Cute and Clean

Warning:  This blog post is disgusting, so if you have a weak stomach like my husband and Jack, don't read.  Just enjoy the photos.
Note:  Yes, I used "chalk" correctly-I looked it up.  Thank goodness for Merriam-Webster online!

So, a week or so ago, my dad and I were talking about The Boys and how different they are.  Man, if anyone told me that before I had a 6, 3, and 1 year old I may not have one, let alone THREE!  And after what happened today, I just thank the LORD that they are so stinkin' cute!  Literally, stinkin' CUTE! 
I digress...
Dad said something to the effect of "if kids came with instruction manuals...."
To which I replied, "Dad, even if they did, they would each be different anyway!" 
He howled with laughter and we went on discussing them and their adventures. 
Why is this important? Well, 1) I LOVE braggin up my Boys, and 2) I wish today that my Nicholas did have an instruction manual so that I could turn to page 3086 in which Nana had told me earlier in the week about Nicholas de-pantsing himself and needing a bath, and to page 3113 where it would say:

 "Be prepared when you walk into his room after his four hour nap.  You will need to have the following: control over your gag reflex, control over your urge to scream and/or yell, a running bath, gloves, bleach, the ability to disassemble a crib in less then 2 minutes, and a sense of humor."



Can you guess what I found?  I desperately want to say chocolate all over the wall, the dresser, the carpet, the crib, his animals and blanket, and him, BUT it was NOT chocolate.  That's right; it was poop!  How he got his pants and diaper off I do not know.  And how I did NOT realize that his 4 hour nap really was a paint-by poop session I don't know either.  That is the more baffling mystery.

All I was doing was writing a paper, how did my weird mommy senses not kick in at the little noises he makes when he wakes up like I do in the middle of the night?  I can't figure it out!  It's like when I really want to rest every little snort or whimper my sons make I sit bolt upright and fly to there rooms at the ready to wipe away tears or clean up vomit, but when I am awake and can clearly keep an ear out, the noises don't seem so important or are even non-existent!  Anyway, WTF?!?!

So, I go wake up Jim and he is cranky-migraine today, and Jack who is nosey followed us up the stairs.  Nicholas is crying in the bathtub and Jack starts gagging.  We rush him into the toilet just in case, and we disassemble the crib in no time flat.  We didn't even get poop on us!  However, this folly doesn't end here.

Jim is outside trying to set it up so we can just spray it off with a hose from the water heater when the horrid wind cranks one of the side rails OFF OF THE CRIB!  Now, I have a seriously pissed husband who takes the rest of the crib and throws is across the lawn!  Great!  What now could have been a quick online search for parts turns into Nicholas needing a WHOLE NEW BED!  ARGH!

I get Jim calmed down, we pick up the crib pieces (actually I think I can still search for parts online), and go inside to clean my Baby and make sure that Jack hasn't puked all over the floor.  He didn't by the way.  All I could do was pray that Nicholas doesn't get sick because poop ingestion is highly likely, and then I almost wish I had taken a picture.  Well, maybe it's a good thing I didn't.  Even a few hours later, it really is funny.

GROSS, but funny.  I will just have to chalk it up to being a mommy and learn to live in the moment.  Yes, it was a gross moment, but one we will never forget.

I wonder if Nicholas' instruction manual would say that?

Sweet, Poop-free, Nicholas Alexander